Rainy, Dreary Day. . . Beijing Vampires Unite!

Per usual, I woke up to a cacophony of deafening chainsaws and hammering — no better way to start the day, whole-grain oats aside — but I was quite pleased to see that no sunlight had leaked in through my dusty,  heavy drapes. Huzzah, my Twilight dreams can come true, finally!

This is the weather I dream about, when I can sleep long enough to dream: cold, rainy, not humid, lurking sun, ahhh, utter weather bliss! Mood setting aside, rain is really good for this city, as Beijing was gripped by a severe drought only a few months ago.

It’s best to ignore the cruel world outside and sleep in on a day like this, but I have been woken up / waking up in red alert terror mode around 7am everyday.  [opening the whine box] This means that happiness only has a chance of happening after chugging three espressos and maybe some strong Chinese green tea. Btw: I would like to discuss other things other than this construction, but I’m really one-track minded. Kind of like when I love a song, I can listen to it 200 times on repeat, to the annoyance of other multi-tracked people. Clearly I am more devoted than them. Until I get sick of the song and never want to play it again. Continue reading


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serious career advice

career advice, sent by a friend. find the way to fulfill your artistic life dreams!


How to be a Poet

Start a Tumblr with a minimal theme. Refuse to use capitalization. Post poems on your Tumblr that you posted in Craigslist Missed Connections five minutes before. The title of this Tumblr post should be “just posted this on missed connections.” Over the course of a year, comment on other poetry Tumblrs and Blogspot blogs, Facebook friend each blog’s respective author, and find yourself immersed in a rampant, very public, almost 24-hour ego-building exercise in which you and all of your new friends consciously and continually refer to each other loudly as “poets” and “writers” in the hopes of other internet-people seeing your alternative affect and thinking that you and the crowd with which you roll is deep. Obviously, never refer to yourself as a poet, especially not in your Twitter bio.

very helpful, i can finally get myself on the right track! capitalization is really tedious, especially if it’s not on in mic. word and doesn’t auto correct for me. srsly, who capitalizes in emails? its so pretentious. i feel so inferior when ppl do and i don’t. hmmm. overpowering rumination whenever i am faced with new media woes: maybe i really should get a weibo and ren ren, and restart my twitter for maximum demographic-reaching affect? but then i don’t want to be too “mainstream.” sigh. being an artist is soooo harddddd.

also, the time stamp on these posts are all wrong. . . but i like it. it makes me seem contemplative at 5 am in the morning. a true artist!

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I Hate My Neighbors

Warning: this is my really bourgie-emo-sob-story; sympathy can be feigned, but do pls try to play death cab while reading this post, for mood music:

I live in a pretty traditional Chinese place. It’s old, but quaint. I have blue shingles, a major selling point of the place. The repair man comes about once a week to fix the odds and ends in my house that are falling apart, i.e., leaky ceiling, electrical wires that pop out quite suddenly in the bathroom while showering, nbd. Various housing maintenance issues aside, I really don’t have too many complaints. (Blatant lie, right here.) It’s a single, which has been one of my great misanthropic dreams since moving to China. A pic of my humble adobe:

About one month ago, I was awoken at 6am by ungodly noises. It started out with what seemed like a twenty pound bag of marbles being thrown against the floor and then some yelping large animal, on the brink of death, trying to claw out of the mess. Groggy eyed and sans glasses, I looked out my window, to find myself staring at a piece of large piece of steel– or something equally alarming– hitting my window.  This thing turned out to be a humongous bed, being hoisted up in the air and apparently, into my upstairs neighbor’s room. Occasionally it would bang against my rickety window and my already-precariously perched air conditioner. Too high strung to continue observing the scene, I begrudgingly got out of bed and decided to try to start the day early, carpe diem,whatever. But literally having toppled out on the very wrong side bed, I was in a really foul mood. ::shuffles itunes to next emo song and lets out long sigh::

The next day, it was the same construction soundtrack, starting at 6am. My Chinese friend had told me that it was “illegal” to start construction before 8am, so I was prepared to battle this time around. Brazenly, with the spirit of Xena the warrior princess, I marched upstairs to my neighbor’s room in my intimidating polka dotted pajamas and politely knocked on the door.

Some 50 year old, tobacco stinking Chinese dude in a wife beater creaked the door open, and asked me who the hell I was. I previously prepared a fear-inducing soliloquy about how I was going to bao jing (report) his disruptive arse for disrupting the “harmonious” environment of our peace-loving neighborhood (I suspect there is a brothel upstairs), but I ended up sputtering out something about how his construction was disturbing my sleep, and also, how you are only supposed to start construction at 8am, so please stop,  heheh?

The sob story then goes: he slammed the door in my face and told me to stop annoying him and to just wake up earlier. I flipped a hissy fit, privately, in my room.  Furious and enraged, I asked myself what Jason Bourne would do, which is what I ask myself in situations like these. Since explosive devices are not easily accessible in China and I can’t run away from crime scenes very fast, I did the next best thing I could, which was google “I hate my neighbor” and “how to sue someone in China.” I found others in a similar situation and also concluded that there was unfortunately very little I could do in terms of filing a lawsuit against my upstairs neighbor.

Long, whimpering story cut short: the bloody upstairs neighbor eventually finished his bloody construction, and I didn’t have to do anything drastic, like hire a hit man or something.*

Fast forward to today. Awoken by teeth-grinding, head-pounding, mind-numbing sawing and drilling. This time? The neighbor that lives next to me. Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Xena scream!! GAH! I just don’t understand why these people are even renovating; the structural integrity of this building is not sound and seriously cannot handle anymore construction.  It’s probably going to be demolished and turned into a Carrefour or Russian restaurant in two years. Srsly. O God! How weary, stale, flat, and unprofitable seem to me all the uses of this world! Fie on’t! O fie!. . . ❤ tragedies and bourgie-emoness and Hamlet.

芳草地, home sweet home:

This is my bourgie whine of the day. . . I’ll focus on more important life issues complaints when the construction fades away. . .  Oh god, please let it be over soon.

* If anyone has information about this, I would greatly appreciate your help, kthx.

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A post about not posting.

Waaaa, I fail at maintaining a blog. What a melancholy day. . . It’s drizzly, dreary, dark, etc. . . perf for my tastes. 🙂 For some reason, this type of weather makes me want to eat a lot of melted cheese. Like maybe a piece of fried mozzarella would be nice. Anyway, I would really like to publicly announce my goals for the month of April, in attempts to be very serious about them, despite the whole fool’s day:

1. Be less socially anxious about new media, and go on facebook/twitter/weibo like a proper culturally/tech relevant person.

2. Find employment. Yes. . . this is veryyyy important.

3. Exercise. . . Preferably by finding a class that teaches K-pop dance moves (derived from Rain videos and etc.), but other alternatives to jogging are welcome. Huzzah.


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in korea now — for my spring festival holiday — and it is odd to not hear firecrackers going off in the middle of the night, followed by car alarms. nevertheless, it feels festive here. and korea is seriously everything my former-korean-drama-obsessed self thought it would be, and more. heartsaflutter. will upload pictures of food and etc. (new years resolution: maintain blog)

cheers / gan bei / kan bei / gun bae / empty your glass, please. . . .but i can’t, due to allergies. lolz

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The email(s) I never got to send

So, before more or less getting fired from my brillz and glam PR job,  I asked some friends for insight on what to do. (quitting wise.) The following is copied and pasted directly from Michael The Poet’s email, whom I can always rely on for sound career advice.

they’re probably waiting for you to hand in your resignation, like the speaker of the house.  you can really take the high road here and come out the victor.  just draft a letter stating:
after much thought and consideration, i’ve decided that it’s in my best interest to seek greener pastures, blah blah blah…  sadly and with much regret i must leave this post.  i will always look back fondly on my time here, and though i am aware that you will never be able to replace me you will hopefully in the coming months find a suitable candidate that can at least be half the employee i was.
yours always (but not really),
hannah banana (or whatever your last name is)
or you could go the chinese route:
when you hired me to be your leader it was as though there was a great snowfall on a high mountain top.  that great snow bank has slowly and profoundly eroded, and the resulting water has trickled down and provided so many with enlightenment.  sadly, it is now time for a new snowfall, and as such i cannot be here to witness this subsequent and no doubt lesser precipitation.  i wish you all the best,
yours always (but not really)
hannah banana (ditto)

so the choice is yours.

It’s great to have supportive friends!

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Very few things are as frustrating as finding a suitable place to live in Beijing. Not even Line 1 during rush hour is as wrenching of an experience. (Ask me that next time I’m Line 1, and things might be different.)  So I went with the “done is better than good” mantra.  At last, I have a place to live!  One step closer to fulfilling Maslov’s hierarchy of needs. Will work on the remaining (basically, everything else) later. I’ll be living across from the North Korean embassy, which looks pretty much as I imagined. Grey, barbed, solemn. Great!  The landlord told me this as one of the advertising points for picking the place.  I suppose this will be good for my side-espionage work.  Will also be living a few minutes away from The Place, where I can calm myself by looking at fish swimming on the biggest LCD screen in China. Huzzah.


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